This is one of my personal posts and for sure won’t be the last.I woke up early today before 5 AM and I’m glad I enjoy this quietude while my family is still sleeping. I’ve been thinking of my family back home when reading the news about the typhoon.It hit our region first and they say they’re okay.I know the feeling when this calamity comes usually no power,flooding and a lot of cleaning to do after it passed.Sigh.
I miss home.
If only we have a lot of money I wish to go back there every year but having two little girls to haul (my husband doesn’t want to fly again,his back bothers him so much) it would be hard for me and to our pocket.How could we afford spending at least $4K in airfare alone in our current situation?
Anyhow, three more years will be soon enough for us.I’m excited to look forward for that day.A lot of thoughts and wishes I keep on thinking and this is what happens when you are thousand miles away from my family.Hard to say,this is one of the sacrifices you have to deal with when you marry someone of a different race.You move or he has to move.
In our case,I have to come over and live in America to start a family with him.I couldn’t picture of him living in the Philippines,we would need air conditioner in the house to keep him cool all the time.He’s scared to drive especially in Manila,he thinks there are lot of crazy drivers,I think this is an issue everywhere.I’m glad he behaved well in front of my family when we went for a vacation and he enjoyed the visit as he said.
What it’s like to be married to American?My friends told me how “lucky” I am to find him (okay,I really didn’t intentionally find him,the way we met was a fate).The word “lucky” won’t depict my marriage with him and “I would look so exotic when I get there”.The stereotype of marrying foreigners especially Westerners is overrated.Few months after we got married I was asked how come “I wasn’t building a house right away like other Filipina wives?”.I was astounded and didn’t know how to answer the question.
Finally the thought sank in,I tell them I have to earn it I guess.I didn’t marry him to be my money machine.I have plans that someday,if I will build a home,it will be from my pocket.A lot of stories I heard about this kind of hackneyed idea and I don’t want to be like them.
Before we even get married I faced comments like “I just want to come over to America that’s why I will marry him”,”Is your marriage for real?” and “WOW! (with unexplained face)” but what I’m gonna do when you encounter questions like those?.Some are genuine comments and some are I don’t know.
I thought I learned all but to my surprise I have to learn a lot and please don’t think I’m lambasting others,this is just my personal thought.
- You have to work for money. This is everywhere.I work so hard to help our finances because we don’t have the high-paying job. Some are blessed to be a stay-at-home mom because their husbands can afford to support them on sole income.But don’t be surprised when you know somebody who does hard jobs like working at a packing house or nursing homes.They’re not easy to do and it takes a lot of courage to do them.For example,since we know working these kind of jobs means more money some go for it but I can’t.If I decided to work at the packing house there’s no way I could stay longer,the temperature is so cold and I needed a layer of clothes to keep me comfortable.
- It’s not that easy as they thought. In our culture,it’s given that when you go abroad to live for good or to work for the rest of your life,family back home thinks we get it somewhere easily (like finding dollars on the street) but it’s not.A lot of emotional and physical pain we have to endure.I’m not talking in a morbid way but for those who do (tougher) blue-collar jobs just to support their family,they have no idea.There are times I miss my sisters so bad and I really wanted to see them but I have to deal it whether I like it or not.
- Some are faking it. Don’t be jealous of all the pictures on their social media.Facebook,for instance,is the place where you can brag what you got,what you are doing and where you go.Okay,let’s be honest,we can take a throne for our love of “selfies” but for Pete’s sake,you don’t have to detail what’s going on to your life everyday like eating at McDonald’s or fancy restaurants, going to the dentist or to the gym and such.When we came back last year to see my family,my mother told me that “some are surprised to see me not that fancy”.I wasn’t loaded with tons of jewelries and expensive clothes or accessories,it was just so simple.I know some people just to look fancy they will wear things that are imitated.
- English is only a language. I encountered few ladies who act like they so adaptive when it comes to speaking the language even if we (fellow Filipinas) are the only talking to each other,it always bothers me when they keep on speaking English and watch for the accent.Some are overdoing it.But this is reality,some American husbands who have narrow-minded don’t allow their wives to speak their own language.For what?For their fear of talking behind their back and that is scary.
- A lot really don’t have money. Okay,I might be a little exaggerated here but don’t think all of us have money,living in Midwest we do have a lot of snow and that’s for sure. As much as possible I wanted to save more money but we are in the brink of financial challenge.I wanted to visit my family more often,not wait five years or so just to do that.We went back to the Philippines four years after I came over to this country.We saved money first which was tough because two little kids and a lot of expenses on our monthly list.It was tough.I can’t imagine some who do two or three jobs just to support their family back home because they want to show them off the money they have.I don’t think I have to treat myself as their slave just to please and support them.
I’m so thankful for being married to someone who understands where I came from.We don’t take advantage of each other,we’re not in “superiority-submissiveness relationship”.We do respect each other.And I am so grateful for being married to someone who doesn’t require me not to speak my own language,who doesn’t monitor my conversation when I’m talking to someone (because I know someone who does this),who doesn’t audit our bank account because he trusts me so much.My family is well-oriented right after I started living here.It’s not what they thought,you have to work for everything to be “lucky”.
I feel bad for some fellow Filipinas (I personally know or not) who dealt and dealing with the opposite of my gratefulness.It’s not that easy.